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Tourists

What I call necessary but sometimes a nuisance. It’s nice and peaceful here until the first flights start to arrive.

When picking people up from the airport you can tell as they come off the plane the newbies from the regulars. The newbies stand and look around apprehensively wondering if their ride has turned up or if they are going to be able to order a taxi in English. They are also still wearing their jeans and long sleeve shirts, running shoes with socks and sometimes even a coat, and perspiring profusely. The regulars stride out with confidence wearing shorts sandals and T-shirts and looking as cool as an icy margarita.

We can also tell who they are as they pass on the street. When we say “buenos dias” they usually reply in a shy way with “Hi” or sometimes “bonjour”. And of course, they are very pale and after a few days very red from sunburn.

We sat at Papa Gallo’s one day and a pale couple came to sit at a table near the beach. Gaby served them and I guess they ordered a beer. There wasn’t any available so Gaby had to hike to the nearest store to get some. In the meantime, the tourists got fed up with waiting (about 5 minutes) and got up to leave. They met up with Gaby as they were going and he showed them they had the beer so they returned to their table.

It’s lucky they weren’t here when it was busy as a 15 to 20 minutes wait is quite acceptable. After a while though, and after several days and a few margaritas, they seem to settle down somewhat. Anyway, who minds waiting when the sun is out, the waves are crashing and a nice breeze is blowing? And of course, you can also watch the chiquitas on the beach

Some order hamburgers and fries at the restaurant because they are a little afraid to try the local food. It may be too spicy and the lettuce may be contaminated. They were told not to have ice in their drinks because this too is contaminated. All nonsense of course but these old silly rumours seem to persist.

There are the quiet ones who just sit and enjoy the scenery and listen to the waves crashing on the beach. And then there are the brash noisy ones (We all know who they are) who treat the waiters as their personal slaves and are only here to party with no regard for those about them.

The ones we get a kick out of are those who have perfect Spanish (they think). We cringe as they mangle the language and look all proud of themselves. They think that because the waiter understood them that they got it exactly right. The waiters though have heard it all before and managed to work it out. But at least some tourists try.

We were walking into town one day and a guy wanted to know if they were serving so stuck his head in the door and enquired “Servieta?” He was asking for a napkin, but he tried.

Another way to tell a tourist is when Banamex ATMs run out of money on the weekends. They are the ones lining up in the heat outside the Intercam bank to try to use the machines while the old hands walk in and use the teller to get money from their accounts. It’s chaos when both banks run out.

The Mexicans are the nicest people you could meet but some can be a little reticent until they get to know you. They may seem standoffish to some tourists and perhaps they feel resentment. Perhaps the Mexicans feel the same way about them.

Tourists always walk in the middle of the road. I think this is because a lot of businesses and homes tend to encroach onto the sidewalks and they don’t want to intrude on the locals. They ride their rented bikes any which way down a one-way street and don’t look where they are going. I almost nailed one a few days ago because they weren’t paying attention. Mexican cyclists have more respect for cars but the tourists think they have the right of way no matter which way they are going. Watch out if they have a rental car for the first time, they’re even more dangerous than the Mexican drivers.

Businesses covering the sidewalk. Now you can see why Rosalie knocks a few things over after a couple of margaritas.

We have heard of tourists saying that there are too many Mexicans on the beach even though this is a traditional Mexican seaside resort. A friend even heard of one lady say she has been coming here for several years and was surprised that the Mexicans still don’t speak English. And of course, the Quebecois try to teach them to speak French when they are trying to learn English.

Some tourists can sometimes be a pain in the butt, sometimes great, and appreciate the Mexicans and the fact that they are in paradise. Whoever they are wherever they come from, they are critical to the economy here and are welcomed. But of course, a lot of the tourists come here regularly and know the ropes.

We are very aware of these tourists as that describes us seventeen years ago when we first came. I remember walking into town in runners and long sports socks because I didn’t have sandals. The only Spanish I knew was “Dos cerveza por favor”

And it’s peaceful again when the last flights leave.

Kids

When I was an eight-year-old kid in England, there was a comic called Lion. I loved it and wanted to be a member of their club. I sent away for the official badge and the waiting began.

Sometime later, I was reading my beloved comic when my fifteen-year-old brother Joe came in and said he would give me a small package if I gave him the comic to read. I was so excited I immediately agreed, my badge had arrived; I was in heaven.

This all came back to me when I watched “A Christmas Story” where young Ralfie gets his decoder ring. I felt the same jubilation that he did. It’s such a small thing to bring so much happiness. I’m sure today’s kids get the same thrill we did, but I wonder over what.

They may get some joy out of online stuff but we got a solid object to touch and feel and most importantly, to show off to our friends.

Back in those days, we got all sorts of things free with our comics and magazines. When I worked at a wholesale newspaper and magazine distributor the women’s magazines often came with a free sachet of shampoo. As the unsold magazines didn’t have to be returned we usually ended up with a whole bunch of free shampoo to take home.

We used to get Playboy magazine but there were never any free samples. As a nineteen-year-old, I was quite disappointed.

I remember one time there was a free 45 rmp record but I can’t remember what it had on it.

Our last days

With a couple of days to go before we leave, it’s time f0r Rosalie to clean up all the leftover food. This is the time I suffer the most all season as I have to eat up all the stuff I didn’t like in the summer that Rosalie saved ‘for later’.

I didn’t feel so good after all that food

It’s an odd time; I have so much to do but most have to wait until the last day. For instance, I can’t pack up the chairs on the deck as we still use them in the evening sometimes. All we’re able to do now is light a campfire, sit down and enjoy a glass of wine. Oh, how we suffer.

Anyway, enough whining, in a day or two from now we will be in the sunshine, heat and oppressive humidity; and loving every minute.

Food for thought

Now that Mexico has a woman president, Claudia Sheinbaum, and if Kamala Harris wins the US election, all we need now is for Justin Trudeau to step down and have Chrystia Freeland get elected as Prime Minister in Canada, and women would rule North America. Ooh! sexy! The guys at the pub suggested that they already rule the North.

If Kamala wins I can see trump planning his next campaign and trying to find out if they eat cats and dogs in Butt-Crack Alabama. This would come after months of whining, crying and yelling that the whole thing was rigged. And, after recovering from losing to not just a Democrat, but to a black woman to boot. Oh, the shame!

If women do rule the North, and we can only hope that they do, there will almost certainly be no tariffs on nail polish removers as they are essential to the well-being of half the population of North America. Steel, cars? Sure that’s a man thing, they don’t care about that.

Heaven help us if they are all wearing the same dress at a NAFTA conference. Duck and cover, WW3 is about to start.

And there’s no need to worry about a nuclear war, The President wouldn’t be pressing the big red button as her nails would get in the way. Heaven forbid that she breaks one doing so. I see a need for an official big red button pusher.

But of course, I jest; not about the trump thing, I’m serious about that. Women should rule the world like they did back a few thousand years ago. I partially read a book called “The Challis and The Blade.” Very interesting. It started to bog my tiny brain down halfway through so I had to give it up, but I got the gist and it made a lot of sense. Try it, I hope you do better than I did. And please tell me how it ended, it’s been driving me crazy.

More stuff

Apparently, it’s not me after all!

We were talking to Mike and Fern the other day who mentioned they had two friends with the same symptoms as me: shortness of breath, dizziness and high blood pressure. So my conclusion that I had a virus seems more plausible now. I did say before, that I would make a great Doctor with my diagnostic skills.

I found an amazing article about tequila that justifies us drinking it. As usual, I don’t believe anything without first verifying it, so I asked Rosalie and she said it’s true. So, there we are!

When we had Covid a few years ago, I had a cough that wouldn’t go away. After two weeks I decided to try the Mexican cure: two shots of tequila, two nights in a row and sure enough I haven’t coughed since. However, one sip of tequila, or any other liquor and I start sneezing. So there’s no chance of me sneaking a sip on the quiet as Rosalie does.

Now Rosalie has been checking out Mezcal. Apparently, it’s even healthier than tequila. We haven’t tried it but will as soon as we get back to Melaque. Mezcal is made only from three-times distilled Agave whereas tequila has some additives. One kind, Mezcal de Pechuga does have strange additives such as chicken breast, fruits, nuts and herbs. The chicken is suspended above the mix on the final distillation and drips into the mix until only the bones are left. It sounds disgusting but has a unique flavour and is more expensive than regular mezcal.

I have had a schisis (a partial retinal tear) in my eye for about fifteen years. It doesn’t affect my sight but the ophthalmologist keeps an eye on it. (Ha Ha.) When I went to the optometrist for a test to get contacts, he checked me out and immediately called a retina surgeon in Victoria to make an appointment for a consultation.

The drive was two and a half hours long and the surgeon said the same as the ophthalmologist in Nanaimo; we should keep an eye on it. It was a waste of time. I think the young optometrist in Nanaimo panicked. The day wasn’t all wasted as we had a great visit with Rosalie’s sister Marina.

It’s good to be driving again. Rosalie did a great job but I was uncomfortable hiding under the dash. She usually needs the bathroom as soon as we start driving so I tell her “You better go before we go or you will want to go after we’ve gone and won’t be able to go until we get there.”

We assume that Alan our pet squirrel has either gone on permanent vacation or passed away. His/her kids, however, are still around and have fun waking us up at 6 am by dropping green pine cones on the metal roof of the trailer. It sure makes a din.

It’s getting cooler and wetter so it must be close to Melaque time. I got out my trusty list of things that need to be done before we go. It’s quite extensive so I had better get started soon. The longer list is for our last day when we have to put the car and the trailer away for the winter. It will all get done eventually and it will be worth it once we get back to our home down there.

A Shaggy Dog story

After the party last week, the diehards were sitting and having a few last drinks when a St Bernard dog wandered in with two puppies. Only Chris and I saw two pups but everyone else saw only one. Maybe Chris and I had too much tequila but apparently, the other one had taken off home.

They both looked hungry so Laura brought a bowl of food which Mum gobbled up really fast. The pup trying to feed off Mum was whining as it wasn’t getting anything.

Chris and Laura seemed to have everything under control so we went to bed. And then the fun started. They told us the story later.

They went back to their trailer and posted a message on Facebook trying to find the owner. At one point Mum took off home and Chris followed them out of the park, until it disappeared up a neighbour’s driveway. Then he came home again thinking it was all over. After a while Mum showed up again but this time with five pups.

They herded them onto their enclosed deck and finally an owner was discovered. She asked them to hold the dogs until morning, which wasn’t going to happen as the dogs were bouncing all over the place and it was hard to keep them all together.

Eventually, the owner showed up to retrieve them. She said that there were originally eight pups but three had been sold that day. She thought maybe Mum had escaped to go look for them, dragging her whole tribe along.

Laura made the mistake of saying the dogs had looked hungry and the owner took offence, insisting that they were well looked after. They had looked hungry to us.

They were really cute pups and I think Laura would have liked to keep one but she already has a cute little Shih Tzu called Jax.

Update:

I was enjoying a cup of tea on the deck this morning when who should show up? Yes, it was Mum and four of her puppies. Mum sniffed around for a while and then took off with the herd of pups tumbling over themselves to keep up. Very cute.

Time flies

Time flies like an arrow and fruit flies like a banana.

Time is flying fast It’s Rosalie’s seventy-fifth birthday and she made the absolute best of it. First, we celebrated it at the Melaque party. She got some gifts thank you, even though we asked people not to bring any.

Then on the actual day, we had lunch at the Lanzville Pub with Peter and Suzie, Ray and Yvone, Walter and Valerie. Rosalie and I shared a bottle of wine and had an awesome meal. There were lots of laughs and everyone had a great time.

Afterwards, we dropped in to see Dave and Barb to see how Dave was recovering after his hip surgery. He must be doing well as we are taking him to the pub on Thursday.

That evening we went over to Jim and Ylda’s place and had more laughs as well as more wine and tequila. Altogether a great day.

This seems to be a bad year for fruit flies. I set up three devious traps full of apple cider vinegar and saw them drown by the dozen. However, the promiscuous little beasts must be bonking like crazy as we still had lots flying around.

So Mrs Google must have the answer. After taking care of basic things like putting food away and emptying the garbage, she suggested a spray bottle with IPA in it. I thought the idea was to get them drunk and then beat them up. But no, they meant Rubbing alcohol. Oh, too bad it sounded like fun.

Anyway, I loaded a spray bottle and prepared for the massacre. Sure enough, they died like flies. So, the next morning I got up with confidence that there would be no more left. I put on the lights and there they were sitting on the spray bottle and the edge of the traps looking bored and not in the least bit afraid. They were probably sorting out their partners for the next night and finding more ways to piss me off.

I’m not a morning person

They seem to be diminishing a bit, so maybe I’m making some headway. The sad part is that I know they will be back next year.

I seem to have trouble with small things: Spiders, Chihuahuas, fruit flies, Rosalie….

Dentist and Stuff

Because we are ancient it qualifies us for the federal dental program. Ooh cool! So we decided to find out what our tax dollars are giving us.

This guy needed help

After phoning around a bit to find a dentist participating in the program we eventually found one in Qualicum Beach, so booked an appointment for each of us.

Our teeth get cleaned in Mexico where they do a good job but don’t do an in-depth exam so this was a lot more intensive. The first appointment was only for an assessment and any treatment would come later.

I found out that I had a few cavities under old fillings and was happy they found out as one was close to needing a root canal. Rosalie found that she could have a problem with the implant she got in Mexico so it was a good thing that we got on this program otherwise it would have been very expensive.

A deductible had to be paid so it cost us about $100. We are okay with that. So now there are some appointments lined up but most are after we get back in April.

One of my favourite pastimes here is yelling at people who go over the 5 km limit in the resort. It’s fun and gives me a chance to exercise my vocal chords. Some people listen but a few don’t so, often they get yelled at by security across the street from us as well. One guy came roaring by riding a pink handicap cart doing about 30 km, I yelled and he didn’t slow down so security had to have a word with him.

There are three good reasons for not speeding in the resort: We have great-grandkids here and don’t want them hurt, Speeding creates a lot of dust and thirdly it’s a park rule.

We sit outside in the evening and watch TV on a little 24-inch set. After rearranging the deck to have more room, I saw the perfect spot for a big-screen TV. I suggested it to Rosalie and got a very cold look. After a little whining and snivelling, she agreed that I could look on the Facebook marketplace for a used one.

I got the look!

I found three but only managed to communicate with one person in Courtenay. The TV was a 55″ so I made an appointment for 11 am on Saturday and we went to look at it. It was plasma which I didn’t really want as they are so heavy. Also, it wasn’t plugged in so we couldn’t see it working. The young lady selling it looked honest and was only asking $100 so we decided to take a chance.

After getting it home, Mike across the road helped me to lift it onto a table so that I could set it up.

After plugging all the cables in and setting up the soundbar, I held my breath and turned it on. It worked great! It’s not a smart TV but we have a Firestick and that’s all we need, so we are happy with the whole deal. Even Rosalie was pleased so I sent a Text to the lady thanking her.

Does anyone want to buy a 24″ TV?

It must be me!

With all the medical problems I’ve supposedly had over the last few months, I was thinking that I had better find an undertaker. Fortunately, not necessary. Rosalie had to make a quick call to the insurance broker to cancel the claim.

My symptoms are all back to normal and I’m off all the extra meds I was having to take. Part of the problem was that I would get one med, then I needed another one to counter the first one. Then when that one caused a different problem, I had to take yet another med to counter it, only to find that one was causing issues for the first one I took.

Anyway, the BP is down and the dizzy spells have dissipated so I’m feeling much better. I’m feeling quite normal, whatever that is. I still have to do a few scans to make sure my heart is okay and of course, I still have my leg problem.

I went for an ultrasound on my leg and that Doc thought it was a blood clot. However, my GP just told me that it’s actually a narrowing of the artery and can easily be fixed with surgery. I have to get an echogram done, and hopefully before we head south. So, only two more CT scans, an echogram and an echocardiogram and I’m good to go. All this just to find out that there’s probably nothing wrong.

I asked if all this could have been a virus. My GP said that I had symptoms that could be caused by a virus but without definite proof, he couldn’t say. A virus is my thinking and I’m sticking to it. After this diagnosis I think I would make a good doctor, all I would have to do is walk around looking important saying “Yup, sounds like a virus!”

Maybe it’s all just me. I’ve been told by a few people that I’m probably an alien so that would account for it. I know I can be a bit strange but I don’t think I’m that strange. It’s not about being from England either. Dogs won’t bite us because we’re poisonous, but we’re not that different from other people.

Anyway, I’m back!

Awesome party!

Friday came around and the weather forecast predicted rain for Saturday so I had to get all the tarps out of storage.

I spent the whole day getting them just right for the water runoff. I put up one and when I looked up there were holes all through it, off to the dump. By putting them up it was a guarantee that it wouldn’t rain on the day.

After that, I was a little worn out

Saturday morning was the final panic time. I had to make sure there were enough seats and tables for forty people. I ended up with thirty-eight but knew that Rosalie and I wouldn’t be sitting down much anyway so it turned out okay. We have better plans for next year.

The tables had to be prepared and we got a lot of help from our friend Maureen who stayed with us for a few days.

Three o’clock came and I got changed into my spiffy party shirt. People started to arrive and the fun began. With the cooperation of Mike and Fern, our security friends from across the street, we had lots of room for parking.

Eventually, I opened up the Taqueria and started to cook, with Peter as my trusty helper, serving as usual. We did well, but next year I have to make a few adjustments for faster service as Peter and I got fed up with the whining while people waited. And darn it, I forgot to put out the tip jar.

We had a lovely Mexican friend Claudia, as a guest and she said my tacos were just great so I was relieved about that. I have to give credit to Rosalie though as she did all the prep and spicing for the meat. The chicken was awesome.

It happens to be Rosalie’s 75th birthday next week so part of the celebration was for that. She got lots of accolades, some great cakes as well as cards and some gifts even though she said people shouldn’t bring any. She also had thirty-nine people singing Happy Birthday. To cap it off Claudia sang to her in Spanish.

Then the desserts came out, and as a special treat, Claudia made fresh churros. Delicious! And she said she would make more next year.

As people started to leave we were left with a hard core of about eight people and that’s when the tequila came out. Finally, we were down to just Jim and Ylda, Rosalie and I. Eventually, I chased Jim and Ylda home and went to bed, but not before declaring it a very successful party even though I forgot to wear my Taco T-shirt, forgot the music and we didn’t play Jenga.

The next day Rosalie and I got up early and started to clean up. We had moved our good chairs off the deck and replaced them with Bob and Marleen’s picnic table which is made of steel and quite heavy. I’m starting to realise that I’m not as strong as I used to be and need help. Mike offered and also called on Fern and between the three of us got everything back to normal.

Rosalie was feeling it the next day

Then I had to take the tarps down again. You have to remember that I was a little hung-over and had to go up a ladder a few times. I got the two small ones down and decided to leave the large one until Tuesday when it would be sunny. However, after lunch, I decided to take it down too.

And of course, it didn’t rain.

Party time

Saturday is our annual Melaque party. Each year it seems to get bigger. This year we have 41 confirmed attendees. Rosalie said to heck with that and she’s off to visit family for the weekend. I don’t believe her though. I think she’s off to a spa until it’s all over.

The weather for once is refusing to cooperate. It’s been up and down all week but it finally looks like we will have rain on the day. This has happened before so we are prepared. I have a good supply of tarps and will ensure that at least Peter and I, the main servers, will stay dry. Otherwise, it’s every man or woman for themselves; I’m sure I’ll get wet.

I’m in the process of sneaking around and stealing tables and chairs from all our friends. Then I have to make sure that we can fit them under the tarps.

The food is all ready and just waiting for the day. Because of all the people, we bought an extra 1.4 litre bottle of tequila, just for Rosalie and me.

I’m writing this outside on the deck. We had to stop watching our TV show out here because of the noise of the rain pounding on the roof. We have our table with a propane fire in the middle to take the chill off. We could be inside of course where it is nice and warm but we prefer to be outside, and we do have a small TV out here, also we’re snug, wrapped in our Mexican blankets.

I just thought of all the work between now and Saturday: putting up tarps; arranging tables and chairs; preparing the cooking facilities etc. etc. And of course, I have an ultrasound scheduled in Nanaimo tomorrow, as well as beer day and our usual in-town chores and then a contact lens fitting.

In the meantime, Rosalie is flying around the house waving the vacuum cleaner around and pretending to work hard. I came in a few times and saw her eyeing the tequila. She has been working hard though as we have a sleepover guest for a few nights and she has to prepare for that.

After looking at all the work we have to do, I thought of joining Rosalie and her family for the weekend, but then there’s that bottle of tequila.

Health update

In the last year, I had been feeling guilty that a lot of people around me have health issues and I have had no serious ones. When asked how many meds I take I would look away and guiltily murmur “One.”

Then the roof fell in! I now have four distinct issues but I feel like I’m finally in the club. My issues are minor compared to a lot of people I know, but I intend to whine about it anyway.

After my stint in Emergency, the tests have been coming fast and furious. I had a bladder ultrasound last week and a stress test this week and I am looking at another ultrasound next week. After the stress test, the Doctor signed me up for another CT scan.

This afternoon my family Doctor said that he also wants another CT scan. We talked about getting both scans done at the same time. The organs in question are three inches apart, but apparently, this is too difficult for our healthcare system to handle, so now I have to wait and see.

The doctors have been great and are trying to get all the tests done before we go back to Mexico in mid-October.

On top of this, I innocently went to an optometrist to get a vision test so that I could get a contact lens to give me monocular vision. After the test, he jumped up and down all excitedly and said that the schisis in my eye, which I have had for years, needs urgent attention. He called a retina surgeon in Victoria who agreed with his findings, of a progressively detaching retina. Now I am waiting (again) for a call from them.

The upshot of all this is, I’m in no danger and the problems are mostly minor. So apparently, I have nothing to complain about. Well, maybe, except for the stress test. It went like this:

I asked if I was going to get the treadmill or the lying-down test. The technician said the treadmill, as the lying down one was for woosies.

The technician took me into a room and made me lie down. So far so good! Then the torture began. He cleaned lots of little areas of my body with very cold sterile pads. Next, he got out some 40 grit sandpaper and tried to take several layers of skin off. When he had finished that he got the pads, gave each one a lick and stuck them on me. Then he checked my BP; 200/101. I wasn’t in the least surprised.

I thought that was it but no, he led me to the treadmill and made me walk uphill going nowhere at a furious rate to see if he could kill me. I fooled him and survived but I ended up panting like a puppy in the heat.

Through all this, Rosalie, the love of my life, was making jokes at my expense. I told her that I wanted her to become a comedian and get on stage so that I could throw rotten tomatoes at her.

My older brother, trying to cheer me up, said that he took a few pills until he reached my age, and then he suddenly had to take lots. I scoffed at this but said nothing. Now instead of the one I felt guilty about, I have to take six.

Well, we have to laugh a lot as it helps with the healing process.