Health update

In the last year, I had been feeling guilty that a lot of people around me have health issues and I have had no serious ones. When asked how many meds I take I would look away and guiltily murmur “One.”

Then the roof fell in! I now have four distinct issues but I feel like I’m finally in the club. My issues are minor compared to a lot of people I know, but I intend to whine about it anyway.

After my stint in Emergency, the tests have been coming fast and furious. I had a bladder ultrasound last week and a stress test this week and I am looking at another ultrasound next week. After the stress test, the Doctor signed me up for another CT scan.

This afternoon my family Doctor said that he also wants another CT scan. We talked about getting both scans done at the same time. The organs in question are three inches apart, but apparently, this is too difficult for our healthcare system to handle, so now I have to wait and see.

The doctors have been great and are trying to get all the tests done before we go back to Mexico in mid-October.

On top of this, I innocently went to an optometrist to get a vision test so that I could get a contact lens to give me monocular vision. After the test, he jumped up and down all excitedly and said that the schisis in my eye, which I have had for years, needs urgent attention. He called a retina surgeon in Victoria who agreed with his findings, of a progressively detaching retina. Now I am waiting (again) for a call from them.

The upshot of all this is, I’m in no danger and the problems are mostly minor. So apparently, I have nothing to complain about. Well, maybe, except for the stress test. It went like this:

I asked if I was going to get the treadmill or the lying-down test. The technician said the treadmill, as the lying down one was for woosies.

The technician took me into a room and made me lie down. So far so good! Then the torture began. He cleaned lots of little areas of my body with very cold sterile pads. Next, he got out some 40 grit sandpaper and tried to take several layers of skin off. When he had finished that he got the pads, gave each one a lick and stuck them on me. Then he checked my BP; 200/101. I wasn’t in the least surprised.

I thought that was it but no, he led me to the treadmill and made me walk uphill going nowhere at a furious rate to see if he could kill me. I fooled him and survived but I ended up panting like a puppy in the heat.

Through all this, Rosalie, the love of my life, was making jokes at my expense. I told her that I wanted her to become a comedian and get on stage so that I could throw rotten tomatoes at her.

My older brother, trying to cheer me up, said that he took a few pills until he reached my age, and then he suddenly had to take lots. I scoffed at this but said nothing. Now instead of the one I felt guilty about, I have to take six.

Well, we have to laugh a lot as it helps with the healing process.