OOOh la la!

There is a slight chance that someone may come onto our Spidey site when we don’t want them to. So I had to think up a deterrent. Rosalie and I were driving slowly across to Neil and Diane’s site when I had an amazing idea. The problem was that the next day we both forgot what the amazing idea was. Eventually, we collectively remembered and the game was afoot.

I am going to put up a sign saying “Beware, seniors in speedos”. Now that’s scary! Can you imagine what it was like opening a tube of Pillsbury dough and all the stuff tried its best to escape? Can you imagine all the bits oozing in different directions? That’s what it would look like with us: truly scary. Even better, we could put up photos. This wouldn’t work though as we couldn’t take them as we would both end up rolling around laughing. From now on I will refer to them as Speedoughs, a much more appropriate name.

Some people wear them on the beach in Melaque. A few of the youngsters are nice to look at but when an eighty-year-old 200-pounder comes rolling along it’s time to close your eyes and order another margarita just to help with the shock. Then you pray they don’t come into the restaurant where you are, at least, until after you’ve eaten.

We were sitting on the deck the other evening just minding our own business and reading our books, when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. It was a huge spider sitting alongside me on my chair cushion. I flicked it quickly off and after the screaming and jumping up and down ended, (me, not the spider) I marvelled and at the same time cringed that I actually touched it.

Have you noticed that all the spiders I encounter are huge? Well, they aren’t but when I see them they most certainly are.

The scariest thing is that I didn’t see it lying dead so I was up all night knowing that it was limping around somewhere plotting revenge.

What is it with me and spiders? I think they know I don’t like them so they seek me out for their own warped pleasure. It doesn’t seem to matter if they lose a leg or two. Perhaps they send the new young guy out as an initiation rite knowing that he will grow his legs back; that is if I don’t get Rosalie to deal with him first.

Rosalie is my saviour from spiders. Her problem is that she likes to pick them up and gently drop them outside where they head right back into the house looking for me. In the meantime, I’m jumping up and down yelling “KILL IT. KILL IT” but she just won’t listen.

Me, after a spider encounter

If I’m alone and I get to sneak up on one, my best weapon is the vacuum cleaner. I imagine I can hear the little suckers yelling as they get beaten to death bouncing off the side of the hose. And all the time I’m giggling maniacally but looking over my shoulder just in case.